Has this year felt like we were on a bad episode of Survivor? Every day we woke up without Covid symptoms was one more day on the island! The 31st of December always marks a time when we look back over the past year and make plans for the new year. It’s an annual ritual. I feel like breaking that ritual this year. I don’t want to look back. But can we really make plans for the new year without knowing where we’ve been?
Lessons of 2020
In retrospect, there were three lessons of 2020 for me.
Hard Conversations
The entire year was a lesson in hard conversations. To wear a mask or not? How to wear a mask. To social distance or not? Who do you supported for the Presidential election? Did you support the Black Lives matter movement? Covid, Politics, and Race. There was no lacking of hard, controversial conversations this year. I admit my stance made some people angry. I was called names by people who I thought were friends for making what I thought was a simple statement not realizing the button that statement would push. I still need to learn how to handle those hard conversations better. But it has been a wake up call that those conversations should not be avoided.
How introverted are you really?
No bones about it, I’m an introvert. In March, when we were sent home to work, I was very happy. I hate that 1 hour drive one way into the office. It’s a struggle for me to find a social life. I live alone with my cat, Hoshi, now, then it was two cats, Hoshi and Lilly. After a few months, I started feeling a twinge of jealousy seeing pictures of my Facebook friends isolating with family and significant others. Especially when I lost Lilly. It was harder dealing with the loss by myself. Even introverts have their breaking point of isolation. When I had to get eye surgery about 6 weeks ago, it was scary knowing I was going to be alone, unable to drive myself to the emergency if something happened. I have been fortunate that my sister lives close by and we could communicate daily. I would have gone crazy if it weren’t for her support.
Don’t wait for tomorrow
My plan was to start a blog and go back to school when I retired. I thought I would need to work until 70 to retire. But, after a bit of Excel planning, I think I can retire at 66 1/2 instead of 70. And I thought, why wait? I may get Covid and never get a chance to go back to school. So I started taking online classes at SNHU and — well, if you are reading this, started a blog. I had no idea if anyone would read my blog. But figured, it may be one of those “if you write it, they will read it.” And thought about a podcast, bought the microphone, but having to take the time to get familiar with the software.
What’s up for 2021?
When I think back to New Year’s Eve 2019, I felt so good about the the year. 2019 had been a year of accomplishment. My resolutions included losing 20 lbs, improving my dance, and reducing my debt. All three – Check! Done! Starting 2020 with continuation goals! WOO HOO!
Three months in to 2020, things got a little weird, but I adjusted and continued on. I couldn’t get the brands and make the meal plan I was using to loose weight. I couldn’t go to the studio. Online dance classes didn’t quite cut it, but I continued to take classes and practice at night. I was one of the lucky ones and could continue to work from home. So I continued on my goals. If you’ve read any of the other posts, around July, Lilly got sick. I took off from dance, etc. except work to give her all the attentions I could to fight the horrible disease that eventually took her.
Needless to say, I didn’t keep my resolutions in 2020. But did anyone? 2020 was the year to learn how to “back up and punt”? I think that’s a football analogy and if you know me, I know absolutely nothing about sports! Plans are a roadmap. They provide many different ways to meet our destination. And often our destination isn’t what we expect. The 2020 journey did not follow plans!
New Destiny, Old Resolutions
If 2020 taught me anything, it was to see my goals within the framework of different priorities.
Why do I want to loose weight? It used to be about looks — being pretty and not the fat girl. I still want to get to my ideal weight. But the priority now is not looks. My priority is health. I need to get my cholesterol and blood pressure under control. When I watch my diet and exercise, I don’t have to be on medication. Plus, I feel better and sleep better. Extra weight hurts and makes me physically uncomfortable.
Why do I want to improve my dance? Dance is good exercise and it helps with balance. But it is also a way to get out and connect with people. Dance class is interactive. I can go to a gym and do all the exercise providing the same benefits. But I can go to a gym, work out, and never speak with a single person. In fact, most people there are plugged into their phones listening to music and don’t even see the other people.
New Destiny, New Resolutions
Again, if I learned anything at all from 2020, it’s how I meet a crisis and how well I deal with other people in a crisis. I’m fine with how I manage crisis — I turn toward science. But I could use some work on how well I deal with others.
Listening with compassion. Ever hear of active listening? That’s when you repeat back to the other person what they said in your words to show them you heard and understand. Listening with compassion takes active listening one step further. It is putting your opinions aside and asking why this person feels/thinks the way they do. Understanding where they are coming from and seeing through their eyes. It’s moving from understanding intellectually to understanding emotionally, empathy. That does not mean I have to agree with them, but it will provide a bridge from where a civil conversation can occur.
Work life balance. Ever hear of that? Yeah. Not something I’ve had a lot of over the past few years. Well, I have to admit, part of it is my fault, letting people get away with overstepping boundaries at work. So, boundaries will be set. Of course, when boundaries need to be set, some people get angry because they can no longer take advantage of you. Hence the compassionate listening — understand where they are coming from — and hold my ground! Loosing weight will be easier.
Looking Forward
If anything, we know that something can happen that will make all the plans go up in smoke. The most important lesson I took away from 2020 was the need to allow plans to adapt to changes. I wish I had a crystal ball. But all I can say now is to simply take each day as it comes. Get a routine, breath and stay calm.