Sweet Lilly hung on for so long. She fought for life to stay with Mommy and Hoshi. But in the end, the kidney disease won. Last Saturday, she was eating over an ounce at a time, then begging for a teaspoon of Tomlyn for desert. She walked through the house with her tail up and purred when I picked her up and cuddled her.

The next day, she was not eating as much. It went downhill from there. She started working her mouth as if she had pain. Turned out she had a loose molar. She stopped eating. We could not manage that pain to get her strong enough for a dental. I had to let her go.

Lilly came to me as a 3 year-old queen. She was supposed to have only had two litters, but snuck out and ended up with 3 litters. She was a feisty girl even as a kitten! The first person to adopt her from the breeder had her declawed. When I heard about that, I was so angry. But Lilly didn’t seem to be bother too much about the declawing. She would still work her paws as if the claws were still there.

Lilly did not like having her picture taken. She would see the camera and walk away. So most of my pictures of her are sneaky, from afar. Lilly was a brave girl. When we visited her Aunt and Uncle, she explored the house, including the ceiling beams. She loved cuddling with her big sister. The two made sure I would not make my bed in the morning.

Pizza night would have her exploring the left over slices. She’d sniff, then give me a look of disgust — you really eat this? Of course, when I bring home sushi, she would almost take the food out of my mouth!

When I was working, Hoshi claimed my lap, but Lilly claimed the spot in front of the monitor. Her logic was, Mommy can ignore the one in the lap until her feet went numb, but she would never ignore the one in front of the monitor. She knew her position would get her pets and kisses.

I don’t know what happens after death. Only God can answer that question — or those who have made the transition. Right now, there is Lilly sized hole in my life. I miss her. It is a physical pain. There is science behind why we feel physical pain when we are emotionally distressed. So if anyone reading this is having the same problem, give your self time. Grief is a process. Hoshi does not seem to be acting as if there is much difference. It is as if she already knew and made her peace with Lilly’s passing.

My prayer is there is a life after death and that Lilly is with her siblings who passed before here — Hayden, Shadow, Tabby, Tico — and they are living pain free, happy lives, playing in green meadows, sleeping in the sun and loved.