Friday, Lilly visited the vet again to get her subq fluids. She has been feisty with me and I have not been able to give her the fluids. I had not weighed her that morning, so I asked the tech to weigh her. She felt light. I was also concerned because she hadn’t eaten much the day before. She had lost almost 0.3 lbs. Mind you, Lilly was a 5 lb cat at the first of the year, now she was almost 4 lbs. That is 20% of her weight.

Last weekend, I spent the weekend praying, then cleaning and writing to take my mind off of the fear. God, when is the time? When do I make the decision? I don’t want her to suffer. But if there is a chance, if she is wanting to fight. I’ll do anything in my power to help her. But in the end, Life and Death belong to God.

I remember one day, I was in the waiting room and there was a pet owner checking out. I over heard the conversation. Their pet was ill. But they didn’t want to be bothered with helping their pet get well. They simply said to put it down. My heart broke. How could they be so callous about the life of a beautiful creature? God’s creature? I could not fathom saying that.

Yet, I also know there comes a time, when that creature is depending upon us to make the right decision, so they do not have to suffer. It is our responsibility as caregivers to make the ultimate decision. I’m struggling because I don’t know if it is Lilly’s time. I prayed God would give me that sign. My sister reminded me of a passage in the Bible.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plan, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to loose; a time to keep, and a time to case away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

I have see the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time; also He hath set the world in their heard, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

Ecclesiastes 3.1-13

I prayed God would help me know what time it was, to help me make the right decision for Lilly. Sunday, she was walking through the house with her tail up. She was pushing Hoshi away from one of the many food dishes she could eat what she wanted.

This morning she woke me up at 4 AM to feed her and she ate almost half an ounce. She was in the kitchen at 8 AM and ate almost a full ounce. She had drank 1/2 cup of water yesterday. She was resting out in the open and moving from spot to spot deliberately, walking with purpose.

This afternoon, as I gathered her up for her Tech appointment, my heart was heavy. She had been so active. Had she lost weight? I could not bear to weigh her to find out. I asked the tech to weigh her. If she had continued to lose, I knew I would have to talk with the vet. She had gained! 4.3 oz! We are not out of the woods yet. But I’m taking her behavior and the weight gain as a sign that it is not her time yet.

In the scriptures, Jesus says:

Truly I tell you, if you have faith like a grain of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20

All I can do right now is put my faith in God that he will guide me to make the right decision for Lilly. I can’t see the future. I don’t know God’s plan. I do not have the power of life and death, or the power to heal. All of that is God’s power and God’s plan. To everything there is a time and God knows the time. I have faith He will guide me to know when the right time is for Lilly. She is His child. I am His servant.

If you read this, please say a prayer for Lilly.